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December 18, 2005, 12:23:25 AM

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689 Posts in 462 Topics by 1 Members
Latest Member: languatron
THE TRACK RECORD OF UNIVERSAL STUDIOS/SCI-FI CHANNEL......"JOHN EDWARD" CANCELLED....."THE CHRONICLE" CANCELLED......"FARSCAPE" CANCELLED....."TREMORS" CANCELLED......"DREAM TEAM" CANCELLED...."SECRET ADVENTURES OF JULES VERNE" CANCELLED....."BLACK SCORPION" CANCELLED....."SCIOGRAPHY" CANCELLED....."SCI-FI VORTEX" CANCELLED....."INVISIBLE MAN" CANCELLED....."G VS. E" CANCELLED....."WILLIAM SHATNER'S FULL MOON FRIGHT NIGHT" CANCELLED...."FIRST WAVE" CANCELLED....."FTL NEWSFEED" CANCELLED....."NEW OUTER LIMITS" CANCELLED......"POLTERGIEST-THE LEGACY" CANCELLED....."TOTAL RECALL-2070" CANCELLED......"THE WAR ROOM" CANCELLED......"SCI-FI BUZZ" CANCELLED......"TRIPPING THE RIFT" CANCELLED......"SLIDERS" CANCELLED....."WEEKLY SCI-FI NEWS WITH CHASE MASTERSON" CANCELLED...."MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000" CANCELLED....."VR-5" CANCELLED........"TIME TRAX" CANCELLED......."THE FLASH" CANCELLED......"NOW & AGAIN" CANCELLED......"M.A.N.T.I.S." CANCELLED......."FANTASY ISLAND" CANCELLED......"TIME COP" CANCELLED........"SPACE PRECINCT" CANCELLED......."MAX HEADROOM" CANCELLED......."THE MAGICIAN" CANCELLED....."SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN" CANCELLED........"BIONIC WOMAN" CANCELLED......"HULK" CANCELLED......"SWAMP THING" CANCELLED......"WONDER WOMAN" CANCELLED......"THE IMMORTAL" CANCELLED......"VIPER" CANCELLED......"RONALD D. MOORE'S TREKKIE STAR: GALACTICA" CANCELLED (??)........CANCELLATIONS INCLUDE SCI-FI CHANNEL ORIGINAL PROGRAMMING AND SYNDICATED SERIES SHOWN ON SCI-FI CHANNEL...."RONALD D. MOORE'S TREKKIE STAR: GALACTICA" HAS NOT BEEN CANCELLED YET.....

"VAN HELSING" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."THE HULK" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."CAT IN THE HAT" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."JOSEY & THE PUSSYCATS" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."FLINTSONES" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE....."VIVA: ROCK VEGAS" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."ROCKY & BULLWINKLE" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."HOWARD THE DUCK" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE....."PITCH BLACK" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE....."CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE....."VIRUS" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE.....

WHEN UNIVERSAL STUDIOS CANCELLED ALL OF THE SCIENCE FICTION PROGRAMS ON "SCI-FI CHANNEL" AND REPLACED THEM WITH NON-SCIENCE FICTION PROGRAMMING, THEY NEGLECTED TO CHANGE THE NAME OF THE NETWORK TO SOMETHING MORE FITTING. "THE HORROR CHANNEL", "THE USA NETWORK FILM VAULT CHANNEL", "THE INFOMERCIAL NETWORK", "THE HORROR/ACTION CHANNEL", OR "THE COMMERCIAL BROADCAST NETWORK" WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE APPROPRIATE TITLES.

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS TRACK RECORD WITH FANTASY MOVIES ISN'T MUCH BETTER. UNIVERSAL STUDIOS USUALLY RUNS INTO PROBLEMS WHEN THEY TRY TO MAKE LIVE ACTION MOVIES BASED ON COMIC BOOK CHARACTERS. THE "HULK" BORED AUDIENCES TO DEATH BARELY 10 MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE.....TURNING "VAN HELSING" INTO A SUPERNATURAL "RAMBO" WAS TOO RIDICULOUS FOR WORDS....."CAT IN THE HAT" PROVED THAT 5 YEAR OLD KIDS WEREN'T READY FOR "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" HUMOR......"JOSEY AND THE PUSSYCATS" WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A "CHARLIE'S ANGELS" RETREAD BASED ON A 1970 CARTOON THAT NO ONE REMEMBERED......THE "FLINTSTONES" MOVIES PROVED THAT REBUILDING "BEDROCK" ON A STUDIO BACKLOT WASN'T ENOUGH TO DRAW IN THE FANS OF THE CARTOON.....SOME PROPERTIES SHOULD BE LEFT IN CARTOON FORM, WHICH "ROCKY & BULLWINKLE" PROVED......"HOWARD THE DUCK" WAS GEORGE LUCAS'S FIRST CAREER FLOP. HOW FITTING THAT LUCAS CHOSE UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FOR THAT MOMENTOUS OCCASION......"PITCH BLACK" WAS "PITCH DULL"....."CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK" DISAPPEARED FROM THEATERS FASTER THAN "FINAL FANTASY-THE SPIRITS WITHIN"......AND "VIRUS" PROVED THAT WHEN UNIVERSAL STUDIOS MADE A MOVIE FOR THE SUMMER OF 1999, NO ONE CAME AND WENT TO THE BEACH INSTEAD......

THE MANAGEMENT OF "UNIVERSAL STUDIOS/SCI-FI CHANNEL" IS AN OPENLY HOSTILE REGIME TOWARDS THE VIEWING PUBLIC, SCIENCE FICTION PROGRAMMING, AND THE "BATTLESTAR GALACTICA" COPYRIGHT. THE ENDLESS GRAVEYARD OF CANCELLED TELEVISION SHOWS ON "SCI-FI CHANNEL" AS WELL AS UNIVERSAL STUDIOS ENDLESS BOX OFFICE FAILURES INDICATES THAT THIS IS A CORPORATION THAT DELIBERATELY LOST ITS WAY IN MAKING RATIONAL BUSINESS DECISIONS. ONE CAN ALWAYS HOPE FOR MIRACLES, AND THE PERMANENT FINANCIAL DOWNFALL OF "UNIVERSAL STUDIOS/SCI-FI CHANNEL" IS A DREAM SHARED BY MANY.
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| | |-+  The "Frankenfish Network" Is An Unmitigated Disaster
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languatron
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The "Frankenfish Network" Is An Unmitigated Disaster
« on: October 23, 2004, 02:38:42 PM »

Bonnie Hammer doesn't have to try very hard to put bad programming on the air. It's pretty much in her nature. Since Hammer took over Sci-Fi Channel, Hammer and Universal Studios WARPED & TWISTED the network into a SLEAZY COMMERCIAL BROADCAST NETWORK (general interest programming, minimal Science Fiction) with strong leanings towards Horror programming.

"Frankenfish" was the latest entry in Bonnie Hammer's weekly "SLEAZE BAG NIGHT AT THE MOVIES." With the help of her bargain basement, CGI effects crew in Vancouver combined with the Sci-Fi Channel's usual LOW BUDGET FILM CREW there, a dreaded killer fish came to unconvincing life (complete with bolts on its neck)? to slither and slime Bonnie Hammer's Saturday night ratings to the utter depths of hell.

"Frankenfish" points to a fundamental problem that both Bonnie Hammer and Sci-Fi Channel have. Their great fondness for CRAP PROGRAMMING. Instead of wisely investing money into quality Science Fiction productions, Bonnie Hammer resorts to the same old QUICK FIX GIMMICKS. The killer fish, the killer worm, the killer this, the killer that. Bonnie Hammer has earned the distinction of having the most UNCONVINCING CGI CREATURES to ever appear on a television network. When a monster obviously looks like a computer generated image, the credibility of your story is lost. That's alright with Bonnie Hammer. Hammer would never let such a mundane thing as CREDIBILITY slow her down or the production schedules of her Horror movies. Her low budget "Wonder Crew" in Vancouver keeps cranking out these LOW BUDGET TRASH FESTS with all of the finesse of 16 year old employees at Burger King picking their noses while preparing your Drive-thru order.

Conventional wisdom would suggest that "Frankenfish" is about as low as Bonnie Hammer can get in the poor taste department. This won't slow down Bonnie Hammer. She'll stoop to even lower levels of poor taste when coming up with these TRASHY MOVIES. Can we look forward to these offerings coming from Bonnie Hammer sometime soon?

1) The "Wolf Fish"
2) "Count Dracu-Fish"
3) The "Mummy-Fish"
4) "Poltergeist Fish"
5) "Haunted Fish"
6) "Resurrection Fish"

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