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December 18, 2005, 12:06:14 AM

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THE TRACK RECORD OF UNIVERSAL STUDIOS/SCI-FI CHANNEL......"JOHN EDWARD" CANCELLED....."THE CHRONICLE" CANCELLED......"FARSCAPE" CANCELLED....."TREMORS" CANCELLED......"DREAM TEAM" CANCELLED...."SECRET ADVENTURES OF JULES VERNE" CANCELLED....."BLACK SCORPION" CANCELLED....."SCIOGRAPHY" CANCELLED....."SCI-FI VORTEX" CANCELLED....."INVISIBLE MAN" CANCELLED....."G VS. E" CANCELLED....."WILLIAM SHATNER'S FULL MOON FRIGHT NIGHT" CANCELLED...."FIRST WAVE" CANCELLED....."FTL NEWSFEED" CANCELLED....."NEW OUTER LIMITS" CANCELLED......"POLTERGIEST-THE LEGACY" CANCELLED....."TOTAL RECALL-2070" CANCELLED......"THE WAR ROOM" CANCELLED......"SCI-FI BUZZ" CANCELLED......"TRIPPING THE RIFT" CANCELLED......"SLIDERS" CANCELLED....."WEEKLY SCI-FI NEWS WITH CHASE MASTERSON" CANCELLED...."MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000" CANCELLED....."VR-5" CANCELLED........"TIME TRAX" CANCELLED......."THE FLASH" CANCELLED......"NOW & AGAIN" CANCELLED......"M.A.N.T.I.S." CANCELLED......."FANTASY ISLAND" CANCELLED......"TIME COP" CANCELLED........"SPACE PRECINCT" CANCELLED......."MAX HEADROOM" CANCELLED......."THE MAGICIAN" CANCELLED....."SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN" CANCELLED........"BIONIC WOMAN" CANCELLED......"HULK" CANCELLED......"SWAMP THING" CANCELLED......"WONDER WOMAN" CANCELLED......"THE IMMORTAL" CANCELLED......"VIPER" CANCELLED......"RONALD D. MOORE'S TREKKIE STAR: GALACTICA" CANCELLED (??)........CANCELLATIONS INCLUDE SCI-FI CHANNEL ORIGINAL PROGRAMMING AND SYNDICATED SERIES SHOWN ON SCI-FI CHANNEL...."RONALD D. MOORE'S TREKKIE STAR: GALACTICA" HAS NOT BEEN CANCELLED YET.....

"VAN HELSING" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."THE HULK" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."CAT IN THE HAT" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."JOSEY & THE PUSSYCATS" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."FLINTSONES" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE....."VIVA: ROCK VEGAS" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."ROCKY & BULLWINKLE" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE...."HOWARD THE DUCK" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE....."PITCH BLACK" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE....."CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE....."VIRUS" FAILS AT BOX OFFICE.....

WHEN UNIVERSAL STUDIOS CANCELLED ALL OF THE SCIENCE FICTION PROGRAMS ON "SCI-FI CHANNEL" AND REPLACED THEM WITH NON-SCIENCE FICTION PROGRAMMING, THEY NEGLECTED TO CHANGE THE NAME OF THE NETWORK TO SOMETHING MORE FITTING. "THE HORROR CHANNEL", "THE USA NETWORK FILM VAULT CHANNEL", "THE INFOMERCIAL NETWORK", "THE HORROR/ACTION CHANNEL", OR "THE COMMERCIAL BROADCAST NETWORK" WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE APPROPRIATE TITLES.

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS TRACK RECORD WITH FANTASY MOVIES ISN'T MUCH BETTER. UNIVERSAL STUDIOS USUALLY RUNS INTO PROBLEMS WHEN THEY TRY TO MAKE LIVE ACTION MOVIES BASED ON COMIC BOOK CHARACTERS. THE "HULK" BORED AUDIENCES TO DEATH BARELY 10 MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE.....TURNING "VAN HELSING" INTO A SUPERNATURAL "RAMBO" WAS TOO RIDICULOUS FOR WORDS....."CAT IN THE HAT" PROVED THAT 5 YEAR OLD KIDS WEREN'T READY FOR "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" HUMOR......"JOSEY AND THE PUSSYCATS" WAS NOTHING MORE THAN A "CHARLIE'S ANGELS" RETREAD BASED ON A 1970 CARTOON THAT NO ONE REMEMBERED......THE "FLINTSTONES" MOVIES PROVED THAT REBUILDING "BEDROCK" ON A STUDIO BACKLOT WASN'T ENOUGH TO DRAW IN THE FANS OF THE CARTOON.....SOME PROPERTIES SHOULD BE LEFT IN CARTOON FORM, WHICH "ROCKY & BULLWINKLE" PROVED......"HOWARD THE DUCK" WAS GEORGE LUCAS'S FIRST CAREER FLOP. HOW FITTING THAT LUCAS CHOSE UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FOR THAT MOMENTOUS OCCASION......"PITCH BLACK" WAS "PITCH DULL"....."CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK" DISAPPEARED FROM THEATERS FASTER THAN "FINAL FANTASY-THE SPIRITS WITHIN"......AND "VIRUS" PROVED THAT WHEN UNIVERSAL STUDIOS MADE A MOVIE FOR THE SUMMER OF 1999, NO ONE CAME AND WENT TO THE BEACH INSTEAD......

THE MANAGEMENT OF "UNIVERSAL STUDIOS/SCI-FI CHANNEL" IS AN OPENLY HOSTILE REGIME TOWARDS THE VIEWING PUBLIC, SCIENCE FICTION PROGRAMMING, AND THE "BATTLESTAR GALACTICA" COPYRIGHT. THE ENDLESS GRAVEYARD OF CANCELLED TELEVISION SHOWS ON "SCI-FI CHANNEL" AS WELL AS UNIVERSAL STUDIOS ENDLESS BOX OFFICE FAILURES INDICATES THAT THIS IS A CORPORATION THAT DELIBERATELY LOST ITS WAY IN MAKING RATIONAL BUSINESS DECISIONS. ONE CAN ALWAYS HOPE FOR MIRACLES, AND THE PERMANENT FINANCIAL DOWNFALL OF "UNIVERSAL STUDIOS/SCI-FI CHANNEL" IS A DREAM SHARED BY MANY.
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| | |-+  Bonnie Hammer And The "Man-Thing" Connection
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languatron
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Life could be this beautiful without NBC-TV in it.


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Bonnie Hammer And The "Man-Thing" Connection
« on: April 19, 2005, 05:32:48 PM »
There are dozens of comic book characters that Bonnie Hammer could have dusted off for a television adaptation. The likes of "Luke Cage-Power Man", "The Silver Surfer", "The Mighty Thor", "Doctor Doom", "Iron Man", and "Doctor Strange" have not yet been tapped by the movie industry for big screen movies. Out of the bunch, it comes as NO SURPRISE that Bonnie Hammer would pick "Man-Thing" for a Sci-Fi Channel adaptation.

Following in the footsteps of her RATINGS SEWER EPICS "Mansquito" and "Frankenfish", Bonnie Hammer once again invades the animal kingdom for another perfectly good waste of movie making equipment. I can think of no greater waste of movie cameras than filming another one of Bonnie Hammer's ideas.

So, basically, we'll have a plot involving a hulking behemoth covered in moss, bugs, and vines wandering around a swamp made all the more BORING by the PATENTED scriptwriting DEFICIENCIES of your average Sci-Fi Channel scriptwriter. "Man-Thing" was not a bad comic book, and the character was certainly interesting; the primary concern here is, Bonnie Hammer's KNACK for DESTROYING everything she touches. Remember people, this is the WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION FLUNKY.

I have a hunch, that the "Man-Thing" series will contain all of the Bonnie Hammer trademarks:


                             1) A plot that bores you to death 5 minutes after each episode starts.
                             2) A fake looking monster via a rubber suit with a zipper or really bad CGI.
                             3) Cast members from the Canadian "Screen Extras Guild" who have no personality or acting ability.
                             4) A script written by 8th graders on "Crack."
                             5) A Canadian soundstage made to look like a swamp with rubber trees and vines.
                             6) Some bimbo with massive cleavage in a water soaked tank top.
                             7) Some bimbo with no cleavage who is the scientist commenting on women's lib.
                             Cool The blue collar trucker who used to bang the bimbo with massive cleavage.
                             9) The 14 year old brat who rides a skateboard to school every day.
                            10) The Sheriff who has NO IDEA that a slimy monster is tearing up his town.
                            11) The "expert" working in cahoots with the flat chested bimbo who tries to convince the Sheriff otherwise.
                            12) The nympho daughter of somebody making her way through the football team.
                           

How could I have missed anything? That's the basic plot of EVERY Bonnie Hammer production!!   Kiss




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