languatron
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Life could be this beautiful without NBC-TV in it.
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Which would you prefer? Watching a Sci-Fi Channel movie, or pumping the neighbor's cat? Like everything else that turns DISASTROUS whenever the Sci-Fi Channel touches it, their dabbling (and I use the term loosely) in CGI technology has led special effects enthusiasts to yearn for the high-tech days of "Land of the Lost" from 1974. At least the creatures in that Saturday morning kids show had density, mass, and a presence. As opposed to the CGI created creatures in Bonnie Hammer's movies, which are about as realistic as www.Scifi.com/Scifiwire's daily claims of DIVINE ACHIEVEMENT'S IN BROADCASTING.
Take Bonnie Hammer's latest "Man-Thing" movie for example. After suffering through an excruciating two straight hours of Bonnie Hammer patented CLAP-TRAP and BOREDOM, viewers were then punished even further with a CGI created "Man-Thing" that looked like it was animated by William Hanna and Joseph Barbera on an ACID TRIP. I've seen scarier monsters on the "Johnny Quest" cartoons. Bonnie Hammer's "Man-Thing" looked like it escaped from the "Addams Family" basement without the LAUGH TRACK in tow.
There are two categories of CGI created monsters on Sci-Fi Channel. "Animated Cartoon Shit", and "Silly Putty Shit." Lets look at these individually, shall we?
ANIMATED CARTOON SHIT - This is the category of CGI that Sci-Fi Channel hands over to CGI technicians who
couldn't animate a "Clutch Cargo" reunion special if they worked their asses off
trying to do so. This type of CGI we see all too frequently on Sci-Fi Channel looks
like a badly hung over "Flintstones" cartoon complete with the animated flesh tones
of the monster BLEEDING into the background. Bonnie Hammer no doubt looks at
the "dailies" of this SHIT and says: "Looks good to me!!"
SILLY PUTTY SHIT - This category of Sci-Fi Channel CGI occurs less frequently, but still leaves an impact on
viewers equivelent to getting pulled over for drunk driving. This is when Sci-Fi Channel
strives for a little more "bang for their buck" by striving for CGI that goes beyond
"Clutch Cargo" style animation. This is when the monsters look like they have "Silly
Putty" for skin, their bodies are drenched in SLIME, and the monsters look no more
a part of the environment they are in than Christopher Reeve did flying as
"Superman." Ususally, these CGI created monsters look like they can be disposed of
by simply stretching them to death like the old "Stretch Armstrong" doll.
High school kids on "Crack" could do a better job coming up with more realistic looking CGI monsters if they had nothing more than a personal computer from 1979 hooked up to "Video Ping-Pong." The final 10 minutes of "Man-Thing" had me yearning for the glory days of the "Superfriends" cartoon, when the "Legion of Doom's" attacks on the "Hall of Justice" made for infinitely more compelling television.
When the "Aztec Mummy" from "Johnny Quest" is more frightening than Bonnie Hammer's "Man-Thing", I think it's time for Bonnie Hammer and her DYSFUNCTIONAL STAFF to re-evaluate their purposes for being in television. 
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