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Topic: The Sci-Fi Channel's Programming Is Rooted In Dog Shit, And Flung with A Shovel (Read 145 times)
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languatron
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Hero Member
Posts: 689
Life could be this beautiful without NBC-TV in it.
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What can you say about a cable channel that shows a movie with Bruce Campbell (wearing a prosthetic bloody forehead) getting his ass kicked one minute, and then shows some STUPID ASS tv show that Ronald D. Moore THREW TOGETHER in 15 minutes the next? Welcome to the wonderful WACKY world of Bonnie Hammer's "Sci-Fi Channel." Where millions of dollars and hundreds of OBNOXIOUS on-line STEALTH MARKETERS are invested in the DOG SHIT PROGRAMMING POLICIES of Bonnie Hammer. Programming characterized by WAFER THIN PLOTS and ILL-CONCEIVED PREMISES that NEVER contain enough material to fill a COMIC BOOK.
Bonnie Hammer recently had the nerve to say that GINO is of a professional quality found in most of the HBO programming. What "HBO" was Bonnie Hammer talking about? The "Home Box Office" network of the "Sopranos" and "Larry Sanders", or some obscure little wrestling network that Bonnie Hammer helped found in some backwater little affiliate market? Bonnie Hammer can always dream, can't she? Usually network executives of the LOW TALENT QUALITY of Bonnie hammer talk alot of BULL, and dream what it would be like to have ONE SHRED OF PROGRAMMING TALENT.
What I have always taken issue with, is the programming policies of Bonnie Hammer. Policies ROOTED IN DOG SHIT, and FLUNG WITH A SHOVEL. There is not one project Bonnie Hammer has tackled that she has not DECIMATED creatively. Her recent "Man-Thing" movie for example, was yet another opportunity BLOWN TO UTTER HELL by this woman. A classic DC comics character that first appeared in the early 1970's, "Man-Thing" could have been a glorious opportunity to bring a classic DC comics character to life that hadn't yet been snatched up yet for a big screen movie. What did Bonnie Hammer do with this movie? Run the entire project through her "Vancouver based cookie cutter style of SCHLOCK movie making." (Like she ALWAYS does.) We had the FORGETTABLE SCRIPT. We had the NO TALENT CAST of HACK ACTORS & ACTRESSES who we will NEVER SEE again in any project. We had the "Bonnie Hammer cut & paste STOCK CHARACTERS" that permeates alll of her projects. We had the ZERO PRODUCTION VALUES. Finally....and this is the best part.....we had the "Bonnie Hammer style of CGI visual effects" that look like WARMED OVER ANIMATION CELLS from 1970's Saturday morning cartoons. The day Bonnie Hammer got her hands on CGI technology, was the day civilization as we knew it CEASED TO EXIST. The "Man-Thing" in this movie looked like an escaped TOSSED SALAD with green leave appendages that looked like what "Aquaman" and the "Wonder Twins" fought on the animated cartoon "Superfriends" in 1977. As our heroes in this movie looked on in terror as "Man-Thing" exploded for some unknown reason (all Bonnie Hammer movies end with some kind of explosion), I couldn't help but wonder what was really going through the actors heads while this scene was being filmed. The TERROR of knowing what their PAYCHECKS were going to be for filming this SCHLOCK, or the TERROR of knowing that they will probably NEVER be employed ever again in the acting profession.
Another one of Bonnie Hammer's recent "Light Bulb" ideas, (must have been a BURNED OUT BULB); was this "Ghosthunter" B.S. she is currently airing. In Ghosthunters, a bunch of guys who could double for Jeff Foxworthy and the "Blue Collar Tour" guys, go around investigating haunted abodes, and NOT A DAMN THING HAPPENS......EVER. Just once, on one of these ghost shows, I would love to see an actual ghost captured on tape. Instead, what do we get? In the case of Bonnie Hammer's "Ghosthunters", NOT A DAMN THING. Just a group of guys YAK YAKKING away and NOT GETTING A DAMN BIT OF SUPERNATURAL EVIDENCE on tape. Bonnie Hammer could send these guys to a TOPLESS BEAUTY PAGEANT, and they probably wouldn't get a DAMN THING on tape either. Who knows? maybe these guys are a bunch of FRUITS.
If one positive thing can be said about Bonnie Hammer's Sci-fi Channel, it is this. she has put ALOT OF NO TALENT HACKS (such as herself) to work. The "No Talent Capital Of The World" Vancouver, must be singing the praises of Bonnie Hammer. Thanks to Hammer; NO TALENT HACKS like Ronald D. Moore, David Eick, Bruce Campbell, and AARON DOUGLAS will always have a paycheck coming in. This is a good thing,.....I think. As Hammer continues to MISMANAGE Sci-Fi Channel, we have an army of SLIME SATURATED MONSTERS on celluloid coming out of Vancouver to look forward to. How much does Bonnie Hammer spend on VASELINE on a monthly basis? 
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« Last Edit: September 20, 2005, 03:08:09 PM by languatron »
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